Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Children's Story Feedback for Friends

Page 1: It was just another Sunny day for the brown wiener dog Dexter, he woke up as happy as can be.
Page 2: Being an only dog, he was showered with all the love and food he could imagine.
Page 3: Since he has been a pup, he has had numerous adventures with his humans. Endless road trips, walks to the park, movie nights, swimming in the lake, the list was endless!(has been and was-past tense disagreement)
Page 4: One day his humans surprised him and brought home another puppy home, he could not believe it.
Page 5: Mom´s novio was trying to replace him!!!!!
Page 6: She was completely oblivious to his evil plan.
Page 7: The puppy´s name was Oso, he was half Dalmatian and half husky. Mom was completely in love with him!! (You could put this page before page 5 and 6 to explain the character first before discussing his motives)
Page 8: Mom was spending more time with Oso than with Dexter and he hated it. He acted on his best behavior to see if they noticed but they never did...
Page 9: Oso didn´t even speak English, just Spanish, (add a period and start a new sentence) right off the bat Dexter was way smarter than him.

Your story is very creative and I think making a bilingual book is unique. I think the kids will love this story. I think it would be very cool if you taught the kids simple spanish words throughout the story (that may be your plan already).



The giraffe who was too tall

On the first day of kindergarten all the animals arrived at school.
Their new teacher Mrs. Lamb welcomes them into her classroom.
But Grace the giraffe is too tall to get into the room!
(You could write this in past tense to make the story flow all together in chronological order)
"Oh no", says Grace. "What should I do?"
Mrs. Lamb comes out and shows Grace how to duck into the classroom.

Next the class goes out to recess and all the children start going down the slide. (instead of saying next, try making a more settle transition to make the story even more live and flowing)
But Grace the giraffe is too tall to play on the slide!
"Oh no", says Grace. "What should I do?"
Mrs. Lamb comes over and states "You're too tall for the slide Grace, maybe try hopscotch!"

I love this story and the moral! I think once you get it all developed its gonna turn out great!

*This is just a start to my children's story Grace the giraffe then goes home and talks to her mom about her day and then feels better and more confident about being tall*

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